. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.
. Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
. Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.
. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
. Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"
. My Reality Check bounced.
. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level.
. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
